🔗 Share this article

The current period represents a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the idea that someone could abruptly cease contact with a partner without a word seemed like the peak of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, finding a mate has only become more confounding – an oftentimes pointless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online jargon.

Generation Z, a demographic who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y forerunners could ever envision. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a comprehensive guide to the phrases gen Z is using to talk about romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

---

A

Realness – According to gen Z, romance's ideal is presenting as your real, raw self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend connected to a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reaction is inquisitive or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while exuding mystery and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies choosing someone who helps you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to partners who forgo having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of playing it cool: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Behavioral habits signaling a prospective partner is trouble. Such as calling their exes crazy, bad gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks affirm your choice to date a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely inoffensive quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that instantly extinguish any feelings of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {